


In Another Life Perhaps

by sufferingsoprano



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Character Study, Doomed Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, Just L wishing things could’ve been different, L loved Light, Love/Hate, M/M, Murder, Regret, Soulmates, Unresolved Romantic Tension, this can be interpreted as platonic or romantic, you decide whether Light returns the feelings of not but either way it’s still tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:28:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28448421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sufferingsoprano/pseuds/sufferingsoprano
Summary: “In another life could Light Yagami have been saved?”That question consumed L’s mind in his final moments. Even with death around the corner, L could think only of his feelings toward his greatest enemy, his closest friend, and supposed soulmate.
Relationships: L & Yagami Light, L/Yagami Light
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	In Another Life Perhaps

**Author's Note:**

> \- these are L’s last thoughts before his death: so just a warning that this fic does include a canonical character death!
> 
> \- I leave the relationship between L and Light ambiguous. I personally wrote it with the intention of having romantic undertones, but it 100% could work with strong platonic feelings, and whether or not Light requites L’s feelings is also up to interpretation (tho I personally wrote this with it in mind that Light does feel same but just doesn’t know how to articulate it)
> 
> \- thank you so much and please enjoy :)

In another life could Light Yagami have been saved?

As L felt the burn that was his heart seemingly withering away, the thought popped into his mind.  
He found it almost comical that even as he stared death directly in the eyes, he thought not of how he, himself could be saved, but of if and how there was ever hope for the man responsible for his demise.

Light rushed to catch the detective’s fall, eyes desperate and frightened.

Part of L wanted to believe it was genuine, that Light was not fully content with the fate he had subjected the other man to— but simultaneously, his brain screamed out that Light’s concern was yet another act to cover up the truth of the matter: Light was Kira. Kira was Light. The monster, the god, the disgusting cretin— was none other than Light Yagami, a man L regrettably cared for.

And ah- there it was.  
L took note of the shadow of a smirk on his enemy’s face. The satisfaction that Light felt at eliminating the most significant threat to his success was apparent by the glint of pride in his eyes.

Light’s joy at L’s death felt almost more painful than the actual suffering leading to L’s end. L couldn’t say with certainty whether the overwhelming tightness in his chest was due to his ongoing heart attack or the hurt he felt at Light’s betrayal.

It was inevitable, wasn’t it though? L had been right in his deduction that the Monster behind the mayhem was the man holding him as the end loomed near. L’s death was just another triumph in Kira’s Master Plan, a stepping stone that Light needed to conquer before his victory could prevail.

Being nothing but a puzzle piece, a mere footnote in Light’s scathing scheme left a sour taste in L’s mouth. Or maybe that was just the taste of the blood gurgling in his throat— L really didn’t have the time to think over such trivial things.

L was used to being the one pulling the strings— using the people around him as tools to unlock the world’s deepest mysteries. Yet, it was never like that with Light, was it? Was death the only possible outcome when two puppeteers grabbed ferociously at each other’s strings, tangling them together so tightly, that the light of day was eventually snuffed out?  
However tragic it may have been, there was something glorious about their entangled strings struggling against each other. Though in the end it may leave L limp and cold, the dying man found himself thankful for the intense trysts the two had shared.

Perhaps if another had acquired that notebook— that tool of mass destruction, Light could’ve been saved. L pondered the notion, imagining Light finishing university to pursue a career as an officer or an investigative detective of sorts, probably settled down with a wife and children.  
Yes, had that notebook not fallen into Light’s grasp, Light would’ve never fallen to such depths and would have gone on to live comfortably.

But had that been the case, L and Light would’ve never crossed paths.

Somewhere deep down, L was thankful for that god forsaken notebook. Before the Kira case, before Light— L’s life had been dull as ever. He assumed that Light felt similarly, albeit for different reasons.

L didn’t believe in soulmates— such a thought seemed foolish and naive. For most of his life he’d never been able to look at someone as an equal. It wasn’t because he thought himself to be better than them, it was just that no one dared try and comprehend the workings of his mind— hence he had no logical basis for the concept of people being made to perfectly fit together.  
The people around him had always revered him as a bright young mind, but sometimes L wondered if he was just broken beyond repair. With his copious amounts of brain power came a burdening loneliness. No one had quite understood him— how could they?  
But with Light, it was different.

Though the two drove each other mad each day, constantly at odds, constantly analyzing the other with suspicion— there was an uncanny warmth between them. Beyond a mutual respect, there was an understanding.  
Though Light would make the occasional comment on L’s peculiarities, there was little judgement in his words. Rather than being off put by L’s oddities, Light was instead intrigued. Even despite being constantly on edge around the suspected killer, L had felt less alone in the past year than he’d felt in a lifetime.

L despised being incorrect in any way, much like Kira, but as he stared up at Light’s cruel eyes, no- Kira’s cruel eyes, he wished that for once in his life he was wrong.  
It was too late for that now— no use in reminiscing over what could’ve been...

But yet, L wonders if he could have stopped Light— if Light had just never touched the notebook that second time around, then maybe— just maybe, he would’ve never became Kira again.  
L could’ve stopped it if he’d been fast enough. They could’ve put those notebooks away forever— Together. Such musings of what could have been were pointless, yet L couldn’t help himself as he indulged thoughts of a far happier fate for himself and Light.

L wanted to hate Light. He wanted to curse the day that rotten monster was born, to leave the world with nothing but scorn for the alleged killer— But alas: L couldn’t bring himself to look to Light with any such contempt.

L could say he hated Kira all he wanted, but at the end of the day his love for Light far outweighed any hateful sentiments towards the man’s crimes.

The concept of love seems rather poignant in L’s mind as the world around him grew more and more blurry. What he felt for Light was the closest thing to love he’d ever experienced. Was it love, after all? Too bad it was too late to find out.

He’d never cared too much for love in the past. The prospect of it had seemed rather unattainable, and frankly quite useless.  
However with each accidental touch: fingers brushing against each other, shoulder against shoulder— L had found himself falling and falling down a never ending spiral of confusion and comfort. He thought of their time cuffed together and the numerous quiet, gentle moments went unseen by the rest of the task force. The memory of Light’s fingers absentmindedly running through L’s hair seemed ever so distant. That had been his chance— If only L had spoken aloud how he felt then, before Light had made his decision to go further down that dark road.

Somewhere deep down, Light must have felt it too.  
Or at least that’s what L believed— or at least wanted to believe.  
L had never been wrong before, so what was there to doubt?

A million words were left unsaid between the two. Miles and miles of unfinished business beyond anything having to do with the Kira case would soon be left undiscovered. 

L wished things could be different— that he had spoken up when he had the chance, that Light could understand what L felt for him. He wanted to scream out, to hold the other man , to shake out all the evil in Light’s soul, and put an end to the never ending cycle of death and destruction.

The words “I hate you” were on the tip of his tongue, but they never came.  
The words “I love you” were on the tip of his tongue, but they never came.

L just silently stared up at Light— trying to convey the depth of emotions swirling rampantly through his mind as the world shook uncontrollably.

And if only for a second, L caught Light’s expression falter, a hint of regret, of grief for what was to be done in a matter of seconds.

And with that, the world went dark as L died in the arms of his greatest enemy, his closest friend, and his supposed soulmate.


End file.
